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Люда мое сердце Luda my Heart - Serdtse Я скучаю по тебе - Ya skutshaju po tebe ! - May 2011Jerusalem - May 27 :     "Сейчас пять утра ...нет сна. Снова бессонница, неудовлетворённость и пустота, как ты знаешь... Я скучаю по твоему теплу, прикосновению, близости, страсти. А ты крепко спишь в далёкой Москве, готвящейся встретить рассвет нового дня. Если бы мы могли оказаться рядом, прямо сейчас, в эту минуту Ни о чём не говорить, ничего не анализировать, не думать, только бы тесно прижаться, открыться эмоциям и взаимному чувству близости — никаких мыслей, только гармония двух существ. Всей своей душой и телом я желал бы, чтобы всё было иначе, но, увы, ничего не происходит — одна неразрешаемая дилема. Я не прекращаю думать и переживать трагедию Бориса и Ольги, Я, конечно, не гениальный Пастернак, да и ты не Ивинская... Доктор Живаго и Лара — их драматические судьбы схожи, хоть имена и реалии другие. Почему всё должно быть так запутано? Ты и я такие странные — смешение реальности и фантазии. Однажы ты сказала про себя, что ты «неизлечимый мечтатель». It's 5 am - no sleep - just restlessness - emptiness and unfulfilled as you know ... I miss your warmth, touch, intimacy - passion ... You are fast asleep in far away Moscow which is preparing for the dawn of this new day ... If we only could be together right now just like that ... no talk, no analysis , no techniques ... just holding tight and opening to emotions .. no thoughts, just two beings in harmony ... I wish with all my heart and being that it would be different, but unfortuantely no change in sight .. - an unresolved dilemma I keep on thinking and reliving the tragedy of Boris and Olga...but then I am not the genius of a Pasternak and you are not Ivinskaya .. Dr Zhivago and Lara - their dramatic lifes in a different setting and with different names - but lots of similarities ... why must everything be so complicated ? You and I - so odd ...a mix of reality and fantasy ... as you once said recently " you are a true dreamer....incurable... " 
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Я скучаю по тебе - Ya skutshaju po tebe ! - June 2007ur last email gave me a lot to think about .... it made me realize how deep this really sits in ur system - it made me realize how much of a fool i really was ... it made me realize how much hard work is still ahead ... ciao - soon more |
Я скучаю по тебе - Ya skutshaju po tebe ! - June 2007glad that you accept the huge mistake of the last year. unfortunately i still remember it as a fact and that where trust was broken. glad that you can discuss with me this subject as well. sorry to hear about the fight again. . cheers, have a nice day at work and afterwards. i guess these statements are not very welcome and expected ( it is almost a year) but i want to know that things are not forgotten but only forgiven ( if this is the right word). cheers again. |
Я скучаю по тебе - Ya skutshaju po tebe ! - January 2007Finally ! A first sign ..... after many desparate months of utter silence - THANK YOU ! |
Я скучаю по тебе - Ya skutshaju po tebe ! - December 2006NEVER - NEVER - NEVER SAY NEVER ! |
Я скучаю по тебе - Ya skutshaju po tebe ! - December 2006Love and affection will overcome any obstacles ! I keep loving, sometimes want to hate you and myself, but I always end up loving you ! Yes, you are strong in your resolutions to break up ..... but sometimes these resolutions are useless and powerless .... NOTHING can break us up ! NOTHING !!!!!! |
Я скучаю по тебе - Ya skutshaju po tebe ! -November 2006Serdtse, will you ever break your silence ? It cuts my heart in two ! I miss you !!. It hurts a lot, but I am biting the bullet.. won't you find it in your heart to make up with me ? Please let you anger go, and pull the dagger out of the bleeding wound, which desparately needs dressing and healing balm ! ! |
Я скучаю по тебе - Ya skutshaju po tebe ! - October 2006My dearest Luda, I have a big load to get off my chest . You are more than just angry with me - and for good reason ! It's so hard to forgive when the heart is still bleeding ! I should never have permitted this to happen ! I should have stood by you and protected you and I utterly failed ! This is my biggest guilt ! How can you ever forgive me ? |
Я скучаю по тебе - Ya skutshaju po tebe ! - September 2006Serdtse, My thoughts are with you always ! Good, positive and happy thoughts for the best in life that you can aspire to and wish for ! You have been and will always be a special part in my life, an angelic inspiration. I am your dear friend, soul-mate, someone you can always count on ! May God bless you and may you find it in your heart one day to forgive me. With great affection - G. |
